ASK FOR 100% OF WHAT YOU WANT, 100% OF THE TIME

Of course, the logic is, if I ask for only 50% of what I want -- in order not to appear greedy -- I might still be miffed at not getting EVERYTHING. And that way madness lies.

So here's today's attempt at being 100% honest about what I want: I want to find someplace to live that has the following attributes, though not necessarily in this order. I want a window over the kitchen sink, and I want the whole place to have lots of light. I want a gas stove. Hardwood floors are nice. I can't be DOWNSTAIRS from anyone, because my nerves get frazzled listening to trampling herds overhead. I would LIKE to stay in roughly the same neighborhood as I am now, though I'd be fine with El Cerrito or Albany. Wherever the place is, it needs to be a safe-feeling neighborhood. I want something yard-like or garden-like where I am allowed to plant things. There should be a TUB in the bathroom, not just a shower. I want at least one good sized bedroom, if it is an apartment or duplex; something a bit bigger would be better still. I want to find this paragon of places pretty soon, as my landlady (sigh) has gotten a divorce and now wants to move into the place where I have been blissfully living for the last two and a half years ... on June 1. (THIS place, in addition to boasting the aforementioned attributes, also has a view. Of COURSE I would like a view, but I don't expect to be this lucky more than once.) And oh, by the way: can a place answering to my description be found for no more than $1,500 per month?